Coco-Warrior

Through these blogs I`ve forced myself to face old wounds when knocking on my nut and seeing where they come from. It takes a lot of courage to face what hurts and an awful lot of love to heal.

So inside my nut, the seed of my ego, there`s pain. When I face this pain it hurts and the nut grows stronger.  Then, why even torture myself doing such a thing and at the same time give my nut the chance to gain any strength? It`s a risk that, out of Love, I must take.

The Course of Miracles clearly reminds me that the present is what`s real, because my nut grows strong from stuff that hurt me in the past and strengthens even more with things I lack in my future.

I must heal my past and decide to have faith in what the future holds for me, and none of these things come easy whatsoever. As I visit the core of my nut, where my fear of being hurt resides, I see it`s where I`ve kept experiences which have led my life and my beloved family`s story up to today: my present. So I allow myself to rejoice in my life today as I share with you a very painful chapter of my family`s story for two reasons: to heal and to love.

In  Miami my mom and  dad had to deal with the loss of my brother Robert at age 13 due to a bicycle accident. My dad could not deal with the loss and tried to commit suicide several times. News came that I would be born and even though it gave him great joy, when I was 3 months his destiny arrived and his Divine Transition was fulfilled and passed.

The rest was just a miracle after another. Mom blossomed into a successful career woman who found true love again and, no matter what, lived with a happy attitude injecting us with it just in every little way on a daily basis.

I understand now that I could never come close to imagine the pain mom went through, but I can see that the truth is that wounds are just that: hurt from the past. Not today.

 I have nothing to forgive because I realize that what happened was meant to follow a Divine Order. I would never try to understand why events took place the way they did because it involved people, places and circumstances I will never meet or know.  The course of my life had to carry on as it did so I could sit here at awe and humbly embrace the fact that something bigger that directs us to unconditional love is what`s true. I have been Loved, I`m Loved, therefore, I Love.

 My nut had me sitting in a place where I told myself over and over I did not need to share this part of my past. I knew that it was because it hurt. And if it hurts it`s because I have yet to heal. I still carried part of mom`s pain filled suitcase, I`ve done it unconsciously, out of love. But how could I help mom when I was 3 months old?  A young little girl called Maria still wants to help her mami.

As a teenager I knew my story was different. I expressed my intense desire to become an actress to mom who led me by her hand to all modeling agencies in South Beach. And with that same determination she had when she carried me in her arms out of her country, she bought me a bottle of water because as smart as she is, noticed that all models had one (LOL). I was told I had to fix my nose and she reminded me I was beautiful just the way I am. I eventually worked with Elite, Irene Marie and Willamina agencies to work in Latin America and the US.  I got to host 3 national TV shows in Spanish because mom always insisted I`d be bilingual, like her. I could have never accomplished what I have without her.

Today, as a grown up Maria, I appreciate what came out from all those experiences that belong to mom. Thank You mom for bearing with the burden I will never know; for holding my hand and giving me your example leading me to write my own story. I understand that the only way I can help you carry your suitcase is by making all your pain worthwhile and making myself responsible for my own happiness. I learned from you I can focus on love as opposed to tragedy. I learned to be unconditionally loved, thanks to you mami, who have always loved me and my brother for who we are and what we live for.

Thank You for writing us a brighter future and for finding Dad.

I remember you telling me - "You`re the best; you can do it; you are smart; you will are special”- "tienes un angel que te guia" (your guardian angel guides you).

Mom wanted me to rise up! To see me at my divine potential! That`s what love does.

 Even though it`s hard to put into words how I love you mom, my life at my Divine Potential is all I`ve got to repay you.

I dedicate to you this healed part of my story, my courageous angel on earth...